Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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