I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
