Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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