Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
