Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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