I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
