saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize