When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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