I feel like I'm in dance class right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
