Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize