I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
