I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
