He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
