My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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