Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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