im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
