my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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