Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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