I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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