You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
