Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
