Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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