Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize