Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
