im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
