If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
