he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
