I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
