Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
