I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
