i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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