Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
