Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
