Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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