If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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