I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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