Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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