I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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