i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize