he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
