I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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