there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
