"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
