Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
