My underwear smells like fireworks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
