I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
