Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
