apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
