Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
