she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
