her vagine was all disorganized.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mom said you looked used
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
