watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize