Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is Oprah even human
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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