all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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