She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
