I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
