I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He did a backflip because drugs
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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