How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize