I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
