Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
