perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
