So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
