she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
