finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
