I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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