Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
