this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
