Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
