She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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