dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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