chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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