Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
