How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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