Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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