Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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