my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
