Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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