well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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