We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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