I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
