Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
