hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
