did you get engaged???
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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